Madness > Science
Alright - Okay - I get it - earning a living sucks ass.
And no - for real, I understand that we all have shitty stories about work. I get it.
And I don't complain much - really. Compared to ya'll customer service folk...
But honestly....honestly...
Okay - so, I guess it's time for me to give you all a summary of what I do for a living.
I'm a teacher. Now now, wait a minute. I'm not really chasing my dream. No, I didn't roshambo my way into an Ontarian Teacher's College. I work for an entertainment company. My job is to trick kids into learning. What do I teach? Science. Mad Science to be exact. I get dressed up in a filthy labcoat, with my science kit that was briefly taught to me ( the one I crammed into my brain only minutes before a class) and I blow shit up for kids. Yes - children.
I go to your kids' schools under the alias of Professor Dexter ('DEX' for short) and I rustle self-absorbed kiddies into quazi-submission for the greater good - SCIENCE!
But of course, seeing as I'm not actually a teacher, but an entertainer, I don't get to pick my course work. Not only that, I have to change the scientific facts depending on what religious denomination my children hail under. To make matters worse - I'm not even allowed to discipline the unruly bastardite children that would rather pelt eachother in the head with Livestrong wristbands then maintain an expected amount of safety while I'm walking around with scalding water or methanol and matches.
So, I know what you're thinking: Ren - get a new job. Ren - quit your belly-aching and suck it up - I bet you make a killing!
You're right - in theory I would be making a killing. Because of my billingualism, I make $24/h. Since I travel, I get compensated for my gas. Anywhere from $4 - $35 depending on where I go. But remember - in theory. Here's a break down of why I'm getting the short end of the stick.
Each class that I teach is aprox. $163/per child for a 6 week program. A class can have anywhere from 15-35+ studends. Each class is only considered to be One Hour in Length. By that logic, my employers are raking in aprox. $2,000-$3,000 per workshop. Now, at any given time, an employee could be doing 2-3 classes a day. We have aprox. 15-25 staff and are getting new staff all the time (Albeit, staff is also quitting all the time) so, that being said, Mad Science is making quite a bit. Now - this might sound wonderful - but remember: staff makes $21-24 per class. Plus travel compensation so about $25-30 a class.
You need to fill your day with self-entitled, snot-nosed, Spiderman-loving ungrateful brats, just to make ends meet.
And sure - it works for some of the staff...But I, being not only a Mad Scientist but also a single mother has had to compensate for the inability to make ends meet with my JOB by going on MUTHA-SOCIAL-FUCKING-ASSISTANCE!
Okay - Okay - so, despite the financial issues, doing science experiments for a living is pretty cool. Sure it is - I set off rockets - I make super balls and slime and silly putty. I make fireworks and marshmellow molecules and teach kids about keystones. I get to play with fire. I get to wear goggles and a labcoat. Teaching is pretty rewarding - but when you physically, mentally, not to mention financially putting out more than you're taking in - your life is pretty shittay.
To make matters worse, my superiors have this distinct inability to get addresses right - yet somehow it's forgiveable. Though, so help you if you're not at your class 15 minutes early - wrong directions is not an excuse.
Not to mention that I've developed a deep seeded distain for children everywhere. Bratty. Awful. Children.
Stinky. Whiney. Greedy. Children.
I'm so turned off by the kids in the schools I teach, that I don't even want to send my son to school.
Now, don't get me wrong - really - A Mad Scientist? At your Birthday Party? Your kid'll be the talk of the sandbox the next day at school - but just remember:
The reason your kid is bratty, stinky, and has a Mad Scientist for a teacher, really just means that they're over-priviledged, therefore making you a bad parent.
My attitude is a direct result of your parenting.
For shame.
And no - for real, I understand that we all have shitty stories about work. I get it.
And I don't complain much - really. Compared to ya'll customer service folk...
But honestly....honestly...
Okay - so, I guess it's time for me to give you all a summary of what I do for a living.
I'm a teacher. Now now, wait a minute. I'm not really chasing my dream. No, I didn't roshambo my way into an Ontarian Teacher's College. I work for an entertainment company. My job is to trick kids into learning. What do I teach? Science. Mad Science to be exact. I get dressed up in a filthy labcoat, with my science kit that was briefly taught to me ( the one I crammed into my brain only minutes before a class) and I blow shit up for kids. Yes - children.
I go to your kids' schools under the alias of Professor Dexter ('DEX' for short) and I rustle self-absorbed kiddies into quazi-submission for the greater good - SCIENCE!
But of course, seeing as I'm not actually a teacher, but an entertainer, I don't get to pick my course work. Not only that, I have to change the scientific facts depending on what religious denomination my children hail under. To make matters worse - I'm not even allowed to discipline the unruly bastardite children that would rather pelt eachother in the head with Livestrong wristbands then maintain an expected amount of safety while I'm walking around with scalding water or methanol and matches.
So, I know what you're thinking: Ren - get a new job. Ren - quit your belly-aching and suck it up - I bet you make a killing!
You're right - in theory I would be making a killing. Because of my billingualism, I make $24/h. Since I travel, I get compensated for my gas. Anywhere from $4 - $35 depending on where I go. But remember - in theory. Here's a break down of why I'm getting the short end of the stick.
Each class that I teach is aprox. $163/per child for a 6 week program. A class can have anywhere from 15-35+ studends. Each class is only considered to be One Hour in Length. By that logic, my employers are raking in aprox. $2,000-$3,000 per workshop. Now, at any given time, an employee could be doing 2-3 classes a day. We have aprox. 15-25 staff and are getting new staff all the time (Albeit, staff is also quitting all the time) so, that being said, Mad Science is making quite a bit. Now - this might sound wonderful - but remember: staff makes $21-24 per class. Plus travel compensation so about $25-30 a class.
You need to fill your day with self-entitled, snot-nosed, Spiderman-loving ungrateful brats, just to make ends meet.
And sure - it works for some of the staff...But I, being not only a Mad Scientist but also a single mother has had to compensate for the inability to make ends meet with my JOB by going on MUTHA-SOCIAL-FUCKING-ASSISTANCE!
Okay - Okay - so, despite the financial issues, doing science experiments for a living is pretty cool. Sure it is - I set off rockets - I make super balls and slime and silly putty. I make fireworks and marshmellow molecules and teach kids about keystones. I get to play with fire. I get to wear goggles and a labcoat. Teaching is pretty rewarding - but when you physically, mentally, not to mention financially putting out more than you're taking in - your life is pretty shittay.
To make matters worse, my superiors have this distinct inability to get addresses right - yet somehow it's forgiveable. Though, so help you if you're not at your class 15 minutes early - wrong directions is not an excuse.
Not to mention that I've developed a deep seeded distain for children everywhere. Bratty. Awful. Children.
Stinky. Whiney. Greedy. Children.
I'm so turned off by the kids in the schools I teach, that I don't even want to send my son to school.
Now, don't get me wrong - really - A Mad Scientist? At your Birthday Party? Your kid'll be the talk of the sandbox the next day at school - but just remember:
The reason your kid is bratty, stinky, and has a Mad Scientist for a teacher, really just means that they're over-priviledged, therefore making you a bad parent.
My attitude is a direct result of your parenting.
For shame.
Comments
Oh, the untold stories of Mad Science. I can't even imagine, really.