The Life and Times of Ren... and then some

So hai guys, remember when I used to blawgh, n'shit? Yeah, me neither. But seriously though, my life has been kinda nuts. Lots of fantastic'ness. Lots of horrible, horrible, fuckupidness. But that said! People are still reading this shit, which I think is fantastic! (Hoooolla!) I promise I'll try and think up some more hilarity for this abyss and keep ya'll entertained. Also, did ya'll know I'm a Twit? You can follow me @renmarshall on the Twittersphere. Lots of luuuurve!

It's time once again for BREAK DOWN THAT SONG!! And though it pains me to no end to have to listen to this, Nickelback is just full of little gems like this one. You might remember a break down of one " Something in your mouth " off the same 2008 release from the band. And if you thought that was the only disgusting single off the album, well, you were wrong. I present "S.E.X" by the boys, which not only offers a colourful look at date rape, but also indicative that millionaire and narcissist Chad Kroeger might as well be differently-abled as his reading level rivals that of a six year old. Shall we then? "S.E.X." Apparently Chat Kroeger is still at the learning stage where he spells everything out. G.R.O.S.S. "No" is a dirty word, Never gonna say it first, "No" is just a thought that never crosses my mind. Uh, Chad? "No" means "No", you motherfucker. Maybe in the parking lot, Better bring your friend along, Bett...

Okay, right off the bat - Approx. 17% of Canada's population is children/youth under the age of 15. A survey conducted in 2003 by the Canadian Teachers’ Federation says watching TV is a daily pastime for 75 percent of Canadian children, both boys and girls from Grade 3 to Grade 10.( ... ) Thus, the average child in Canada spends on average 42 hours a week in front of the television or computer.( ... ) That is a huge demographic. A huge demographic of children being subjected to not only the tripe that's on the tube, but gallons and gallons of information that's being processed through their developing brains on a daily basis. Television stations make millions off colourful, musical shows that get kids hooked. And if they promise a jump on a learning curve, parents will eat that shit up with a spoon. Anything to make their kids smarter and give them that 'edge' and parents forget that they're propagating the problem of hours in front of the boob tube. That said, ...

The Yuletide season is upon us. For the better prepared portion of our community, you've finished your x-mas shopping. For the bulk of my readers, you probably haven't even begun. For most people, x-mas shopping involves wracking your brain for -the- gift that will compliment your loved ones. For others, a last minute dash to the dollar store will suffice. Then there are the people that shop for their pets. These are not only the people that buy for their pets, but also give from their pets as well. From: Mittenz Major corporations make millions off of these chumps pet owners by milking them for everything their worth. From holiday themed pet toys, to pictures for your best friends with Santa Claws (heh heh) Today I received an e-flyer from PetSmart about some handy-dandy last minute gift ideas for my pets. I am the disgruntled owner of two disgusting cats. Regardless of the fact that they are ungrateful bastards, I wouldn't buy them presents strictly on the principle t...

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Okay, so what we learnt in Pt.I of Bat Out of Hell, is that Meatloaf, in another valiant effort to secure some booty, is planning a dine and dash as soon as Princess passes out from the sheer AWESOME that is Meatloaf's lovemaking. That said, he's also currently living in what can only be described as the Thunderdome, and is hitting the trail in search of greener pastures. In part II of Bat Out of Hell, we will be examining his journey to this Utopia he is so desperate to reach. You better be asleep at the crack of dawn, because he's outta here ... Bat Out of Hell - Pt.II Meatloaf goes 'James Dean' on a Lost Highway I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram On a silver black phantom bike When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry And we're all about to see the light Nothing ever grows in this rotting old hole Everything is stunted and lost And nothing really rocks And nothing really rolls And nothings ever worth the cost Is it just me, or does this e...

So, despite my sick lusting after one Marvin Lee Aday , I can't help but pursue action against the lyrics to Bat Out of Hell . Now, before I go any further, I'd like to state for the record that Bat Out of Hell is my favourite Meatloaf song of all time, but it doesn't mean that the song itself isn't ridiculous. Unfortunately, because the song, in all it's Epic'ness is just under 10 minutes long, I've decided to break the song down into 3 parts. I - Meatloaf and the Thunderdome II - Meatloaf goes James Dean on a Lost Highway III- Meatloaf -IS- the Bat Out of Hell! And without further adieu: Bat Out of Hell by Meatloaf The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling Way down in the valley tonight There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye And a blade shining oh so bright There's evil in the air and theres thunder in the sky And a killers on the bloodshot streets And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising Oh I swear I saw a young boy ...

This might come across as contradictory, especially in light of my article on Personal Grooming. In the article, I talked about women who 'groomed' their lady-bits in an effort to succumb to society's standards for hairless women. But I need to point out that I also stated that I am such a groomer. Of course I am! I'm not impervious to the charms and smooth-talking let downs of the media ! Infact, I am -such- a groomer, that not only to I shave creative patterns into my crotchal area, I go the extra step and concur the jungle as well. Into the thicket. Well, what! Yeah, women don't talk about it. Do you think our assholes are -naturally- pre-pubescent? Pfft, media entrapment again! Nah, nah, nah... folks, listen up: Your asshole, it's hairy. You might not think your asshole is hairy, but I assure you, it is. Not only that, I can guarantee that if you've never shaved your asshole before, you will be left dumbstruck by exactly how hairy it is. Nothing dul...

So earlier today I was flipping through some Avon catalogues, looking at alot of handy shit I'll probably buy and never use and while I was browsing the plethora of different merchandise I noticed some cocoa mugs featuring the M&M characters, Green, Blue , and Red. And my, if they weren't looking especially tantalising this afternoon... The full m&m lips, curled into a tiny smirk, their big full bedroom eyes, sweet candy coating, strong gloved hands... Wait a minute... do I want to fuck these M&M's?! Goooooddamnit, they've done it again! Marketing geniuses trying to use sex to sell something...AND IT'S WORKING!! Only now I don't want to eat these candies, I want to bone them. Take the Green M&M for example: Succubus Look at her, in her emerald green coating, and her strong yet tender people arms... those bedrooms eyes just screaming for you to "Come hither." and those full, sensuous lips you just want to wrap around your... VILE WE...

Guhhh... okay. You know what? I can't keep my mouth shut about this any longer. I'm sorry, okay - this is probably going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt him, or anyone else for that matter, but FUCK JOHN MALCOVICH! Yeah, there, I said it. F-Malcovich! "Say whaaaat?" I wish I could get over this, I want to get over this, but the problem is that no matter what, I will always be rubbed the wrong way by this issue. "Woah, slow the trolley - what issue?" I guess I should explain. The man, *sigh* , the man just won't do accents. THERE! OKAY? HE'S AN ACTOR THAT DOESN'T DO ACCENTS!!! It's not even that he's just another Hollywood knock-off being put in a period film based out of the UK, and he's failing to make his cockney stick out... it's the the man is considered an actOR. Esteemed in his field! AND HE DOESN'T PUT ON A FUCKING ACCENT FOR ANYTHING! What a douche bag. Okay, calm down, that's totally unfair of me. H...

Over this past weekend, my son decided to indulge in some classic Disney animation and had his Grandmother put on Disney's Dumbo, despite my protests. It's not the easiest film for a mother to watch with her son. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, essentially Mama Elephant gets branded as 'mad' for trying to keep her baby from being humiliated by children. If you're a weeper like I am, the rest of the story doesn't matter. So what if baby defies the laws of physics by learning to fly with his gigantic ears...the point is that that Ms.Jumbo gets her baby taken away and it's heart wrenching . Can't even handle this shit With mama locked up, baby Jumbo "Dumbo" Jumbo Jr. (yes, that's -actually- his name) gets into all kinds of trouble with his good-for-nothing mentor Timothy Q. Mouse. After taking him to see his caged mother, the mouse decides to cure the little elephant's hiccups with some water, which unbeknownst to him...

Congratulations to Triple Threat Sensation and long time friend Leah Cogan for winning CBC's Triple Sensation ! The shows premise was about finding Canada's next big "triple sensation" which, in the theatre world, is someone who can act, dance, and sing. All things that describe Leah . Between my sobs of joy and my hoping around upon watching her win the competition, I was able to make out that she won the $150,000 Middlefield Scholarship to any institution of her choice. Not to mention the publicity from being on the show. I am so pleased for Leah and undoubtedly proud - Congratulations, you've earned it! You can watch past episodes on the Triple Sensation Website . Also, please take a minute to check out a clip from Leah's final performance.

I'm not usually a 'webcomic' kind of person...and to be honest, unless there's pop culture references, I don't usually get it. But all day today I've been reading Virus Comix and I happened across this comic about our beloved Prime Minister, Stephen Harper. I really feel that we as Canadians are blessed to have such a thoughtful, environmentally friendly, dashing PM fighting for our societal equity as well as for the best interest of our Homeland. To read the rest of the comic, please click HERE !

I found a link to this gem on Neatorama . Art Student Thomas Thwaites from the UK has embarked on a project to build a toaster...from scratch. This means procuring all elements for said toaster, and finding ways to put it all together. You can watch his progress on his website, The Toaster Project . It's really fascinating, and I'm eager to see the end result!! NOTE: Best clip is of him smelting iron ore in the microwave. Step 2, Attempt 2: Smelting Iron Ore in a Microwave from Thomas Thwaites on Vimeo .

Beloved writer Frank McCourt died this past Sunday (July 19th) at the age of 78 in New York City after a battle with meningitis and having been diagnosed with melanoma. ( ... ) The once public school teacher won a Pulitzer Prize for his novel Angela's Ashes - a memoir based on his impoverished life in Limerick, Ireland. For those of you who have never read Angela's Ashes I couldn't recommend the book more. Also, take a minute and watch the movie as well. For more on McCourt's life, please check out the following links: HERE HERE ANGELAS ASHES 'Tis "The sky is the limit. You never have the same experience twice." -Frank McCourt.

According to scientists the numbers of black sheep (wool) is dwindling. They suspect this could be due largely in part to global warming and climate change. According to Discovery News , the number of black sheep (Soay) of St.Kilda's in Scotland have dwindled from 80% of the heard to less than 70%. Generally, sheep with one black wool gene rather than two genes tend to be better survive rs. Black sheep on the island also tend to be largers and have an easier time surviving the cold weather of the island all together. ( ... ) Youth of the 'emo' trend have been frantically searching for other words to bastardize use to describe their place in their families. Some suggestions include: burden, dead weight, freeloader, and embarrassment. I smell...trust fund? Or chicken nuggets? Some socio-political groups have taken it upon themselves to spread the word on the crisis in an attempt to stop global warming as well as the raise awareness about the White Man keeping the Black She...

I can't close my eyes and make it go away...* Bono, the next time The Edge tells you you need to be more "edgy", maybe you should refrain from asking Billie Joe Armstrong for make-up tips, m'kay? *NOTE: April 2009 cover of Spin Magazine .

Happy 1st Annual Unofficial Shannon Tweed Day!!! Worth Celebrating While attending a court hearing, Ottawa City Mayor Larry O'Brian was out and acting Mayor Doug Thompson was in. During his reign, the Mayor in Action planned to declare July 15th as Shannon Tweed Day in accordance with her visit to Ottawa with partner Gene Simmons and his band KISS. Encouraging us to party ev-er-y day since 1972 Unfortunately city councilors snubbed the idea as official holidays are reserved for long standing citizens and people who have made significant contributions to the community. According to reports, Ms. Simmons Tweed was not offended by the snub and took it all with a grain of salt. While Shannon is a Canadian native and did live in Ottawa for several years, she is now an American Citizen as most of her body parts are from across the border. Acme Despite the Day not becoming an official holiday, the citizens of Ottawa, myself included, have definitely taken it upon themselves to celebr...

Recently, upon visiting The Pirate Bay.Org , I decided to randomly do a search of indie bands and see what came up. One that caught my attention was a band called The Noisettes . I downloaded picked up the album and gave it a listen. Pronounced NOISEttes , this trio will easily be one of the biggest bands of 2009. Already having 3 hit singles in the UK in 2009, the band is continuing to tour world wide. The best way to describe The NOISEttes would be if Rihanna and Amy Winehouse had a baby that wasn't a crack-head alcoholic, or the victim of domestic abuse, and then that baby was injected with Karen O's stem cells and struck by lightning, and then artificially inseminated by Zeus - it would birth this band in a manger with The Supremes watching on as acting Wisemyn. Rich, vibrant and eccentric tones, it's difficult not to listen to their 2009 album, Wild Young Hearts over and over and over.

It seems Google beat me to it, so allow me to extend my congrats to one Nikola Tesla - a scientist known for his magnetic personality and electrifying wit. haw,haw,haw... Nikola Tesla (10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) was a Serbian-American inventor and electrical engineer. Tesla was born in the village of Smiljan, Vojna Krajina, in the territory of today's Croatia, having been a subject of the Austrian Empire before becoming an American citizen[2]. He is frequently cited as one of the most important contributors to the birth of commercial electricity, a man who, proverbially, "shed light over the face of Earth".[3] He is best known for many revolutionary contributions in the field of electricity and magnetism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Tesla's patents and theoretical work formed the basis of modern alternating current (AC) electric power systems, including the polyphase power distribution systems and the AC motor, with which he helped usher in the Se...