The Life and Times of Ren... and then some

On the topic of ironically sexy Halloween costumes, I thought I'd start out with one that's become a fad in recent years: The Pirate. The Sexy Pirate has had a reoccurring roll as a sexy costume for the last few decades, but it wasn't until the release, and chaos surrounding Pirate of the Caribbean films, that they made the splash as numero uno in the nearly inappropriate category. It's easy to determine why exactly a lady pirate would be sexy. First, they're fugitives, thieves, convicts and quite frankly, Bad Asses are irresistible, no matter the sex. Secondly, pirates = adventure! Obviously, Pirates are savvy and street open sea smart. Lastly, Bitch could cut'chu. Dangerous = HAWT x infinity. What makes this costume ironic is that we all know that Pirates were NOT sexy. Infact, most pirates were sickly, malnourished, and died young. The women, if not sex slaves, were likely dressed as men. Actually a woman Other than that, pirates were riddled with disea...

As a child, Halloween was all about the adrenaline in facing all the horrors that go along with the Day of the Dead: Spooks, Vampires, Witches, Razorblades in your apples... but as you get older, Halloween becomes less about the thrill and more about the candy until eventually, you give up on the night all together. That is, until you become an adult. Once adulthood hits, you start to long for a more simpler time. A time when the old lady living next door was likely a witch, and fruit being handed out during Trick-or-Treating was likely riddled with death traps and the Super HIV. As adults, we strive to rekindle that nostalgia thus attempting to recreate the thrill with something called the "Halloween Party". The Halloween Party is an event less focused on candy of the Tasty variety, and more of that of the Eye variety. As adults we go to great lengths to capture the moment with the BEST Halloween costume EVER. Dishing out crap-loads of cash for the PERFECT outfit that wil...

Ain't nothing good unless you play with it... Not a very "Halloween'ey" song, but I think it makes its point... ...The disco-era had monsters too You can check out the LP version HERE! Dr.Funkenstein by Parliament Whoa! They say the bigger the headache, the bigger the pill, baby Call me the big pill Dr Funkenstein The disco fiend with the monster sound The cool ghoul with the bump transplant Hip bone connected to my thigh bone My thigh bone connected to my leg bone My leg bone connected to my ankle bone I get so hung up on bones Dr Funkenstein here Preoccupied and dedicated To the preservation of the motion of hips We love to funk you, Funkenstein Your funk is the best (talk!) Take my body, give it the mind To funk with the rest (kiss me on my ego) Hit me with the one and then If you like, hit me again We love to Funk-a-stein (ohhh, over!) Dr. Funkenstein, King of the Funk, yeah! Swift lippin', ego trippin' and body snatchin' I'll blow your mind Comin...

This morning, my son, while going through our library, pulled out a copy of SCAR TISSUE by Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He then proceeded to ask me who that was on the cover, I told him: "That's Anthony Kiedis." to which he quickly corrected me with: "No Mommy, that's HULK."

Evil Genius + Half-Pony/Half-Monkey Monster = What Halloween Meant to Me. Enjoy this song by Jonathan Coulton and please take a moment to check out his website by clicking on his NAME! Jonathan Coulton - Skullcrusher Mountain Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far I see you've met my assistant Scarface His appearance is quite disturbing But I assure you he's harmless enough He's a sweetheart, calls me master And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you But I get the feeling that you don't like it What's with all the screaming? You like monkeys, you l...

In continuing with the Disturbed Halloween'athon Music Devotion Hour theme, here's another great diddy. I've been listening to this song for years, and it never gets old. I'm a little sore that there still isn't an official video for this thing yet, so with that said, I'll use the best fan-film I was able to find. Greenskeepers - Lotion I'm looking down the hole You're looking up at me You're cold and tired that is easy to see Lower the rope to you a bucket and a light Your membrane will be soft and smooth and your heart will be mine. It rubs the lotion on its skin Or else it gets the hose again It rubs the lotion on its skin Or else it gets the hose again Yes Precious, it gets the hose . . . Wooooooo, oooh, oooh. Wooooooo, oooh, oooh. The look inside your eyes drives me from control Evoking visions of my favorite casserole. And if I eat your heart I'll also bite your soul And when I'm done with that I'll use your skull as a bowl. It rub...

Since Halloween is coming up, I thought it be only fitting to pay my respects to the holiday with songs that I feel best encompass the major themes of this holiday. Enjoy! HEY THERE CHTHULHU lyrics copyright © 2008 by Eben Brooks and Allison Lonsdale Hey there Chthulhu down there in your sunken city You're a billion light-years distant and the stars look very pretty From R'lyeh So close and yet so far away. Ia Iay. Chthulhu fuh-TAH-gun, or is that Chthulhu fuh-TINE? I can never quite remember 'cause I'm not in my right minds Since I met you No one corrupts the way you do. You know it's true (Chorus) Oh, it's what you'll do to me Oh, and all humanity Oh, you'll rise up from the sea Oh, kill everyone slowly Except the one's like me Hey there Chthulhu, I've been studying your gospel The Necronomicon, it gives me nightmares something awful Where I see The death of all reality. It fills me with glee So when the stars are right, you'll come and do ...

Here's a little something I stumbled upon, and of course, I can only think of one person who might appreciate this as much as I do. So Pastor Frank Joe Awesome , this one's for you! You can check out more from Barats & Bereta by clicking on the link!

Sometimes it's just better not to cut corners. Click on the image to see the original website. Thanks again to G.M.A.

Today a customer came into the coffee shop wearing a suit jacket and a t-shirt that read: Half Man Half Horse After examining the t-shirt for a moment, I looked at the gentleman and asked: "Like a Centaur?"

Garment Guard , the company responsible for the Under Arm Shield, has now come up with something a little less practical, but a whole hell of alot more amazing. Disposable Gas Neutrilizers, aptly named Subtle Butt , the product is defined as: " Discreet antimicrobial carbon technology" What the product actually does is eliminate odour from your farts. That's right - farts. The package comes with "5 saving graces" and boasts that once adhered to your underpants, you are ready for a chili cook-off. I'd like to give this invention 9 chilli dogs out for 10 for originality and 5 whole Roof Raises because this company is run by women and it's products are invented by women. Also, they have their own Youtube Page - how dope is that?

I'm feeling nauseous... NO! Don't pass me the Pepto! I'm already overdosing as it is! Pink. It's everywhere. Pink. It doesn't matter where you are, you will be bombarded by the colour. It's called Breast Cancer Awareness. Maybe you've heard of it? If you haven't, you've certainly seen the tell-tale colour. It seems that now, expert marketing strategies include changing the colour of something and adding the word "Breast" to it. It all started with the ribbon campaigns. Much like a Poppy on Remembrance Day, or a MADD ribbon on your car's antenna, different coloured ribbons started getting worn to show support for some sort of cause. RED: AIDS Awareness BLUE : Anti-Child Abuse, Anti-Smoking YELLOW : Waiting the return of a Troop, Suicide Awareness, Testicular Cancer Awareness, Endometriosis Awareness GREEN : Agriculture, Cannabis Liberation, Environmental Justice, Organ Donation, Celiac Disease, Bipolar Disorder (to name a few) And the c...