Funny... not so much

I know I meant for this entire endeavour to be that of a bit o' comedic release, so forgive me, on my second post, to be out of character.

A very close friend of mine, dare I say one of whom I cared for very deeply, passed away yesterday.

He decided to take his own life, which I have to say came to a complete shock to everyone.

Like in most suicides, the people around them didn't see it coming.

I really feel that it was a spur of the moment decision, but as I only found out this morning, I lack details.

I've never had to grieve for anything beyond a house hold pet or a distant relative, so this whole event is rather new to me.

After I heard the news, I went outside and chain-smoked for about an hour and a half. A woman who was walking her dog stopped and smiled at me and said "Feels like September, doesn't it?"

And it did. Oddly enough, today was rather chilly for August; especially considering the heat wave as of late.

So many thoughts have run through my mind as the day has progressed.

Things like, whether he regretted his decision, whether he thought of me at all, if he knew that I cared, what it must have felt like to understand that you were going to die, what it must have felt like dying...

I understand suicide attempts all too well. Ironically enough, I guess it never quite sunk in what the aftermath might feel like.

As the day progresses, the thought of him never coming back is starting to settle in. At first, I swear I thought it was a joke. I half expected to receive a phone call with Richard yelling "HAH! I totally fooled you! LOSER!!"

That's totally something he would do.

Stage an elaborate fake-death.

One can only hope.

I'm glad that the last time I saw him, we left on a good note.

Actually, it was probably one of the best visits we'd had in,well, forever.

I really loved the guy, and I really, REALLY hope that this is a joke.

More than that, I hope there's some sort of afterlife, "Heaven" if you will. And I really hope he's still around. His soul, his energy, everything that he is/was. It's moments like these where I pine to believe that we don't just cease being.

Wherever you might be, I have hope that your spirit continues to be.

I'll always love you, and I'll always miss you.