I think I'd be happier with the nickle - A Break Down


It's now time once again to play Break Down That Song!

Today's mind-numbing lyrical atrocity genius is Nickleback's, Something In Your Mouth.

Nickelback - Something In Your Mouth

Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
They say it's over budget, but you'd pay her just to touch it, come on
Needs to hit the big screen, and shoot a little love scene
If Hollywood had called her, she'd be gone before you holler, come on

So this song starts out with Monkeyman Chad Krueger talking about this girl whom, I suppose should be in porno? Is she a prostitute? Is she you're grandmother? Let's read on...

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin' on her all night long
Doesn't care about the money, she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny, yea but honey I wanted you all along

Okay, so this dance club is clearly in a Cornwall, or Sudbury-type region. But I'm still left wondering, isn't it better to be with anybody -with- money? I guess you're in luck, Wolf-Man...

(You naughty thing)
You're ripping up the dance floor honey
(You naughty woman)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(You're such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(The way you shake)
And tease them all while sucking on your thumb
You're so much cooler when you never pull it out
'Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

Wait...

Sucking on her thumb? Is she developmentally delayed? That isn't hot! It's a choking hazard! Jesus - kids suck their thumbs... and THAT shouldn't be sexy, EVER.

Crafty little lip tricks
Tattoo's on her left hip
She's bending as you're spending there's no end to it so baby come on
Dressed up like a princess
Bettin' that her skin smells
Better than the scent of every flower in the desert, come on

WTF is a 'lip trick'? I dunno how cute some Single Parent Cornwall girl would be Jean-Chretien'ing all over her spitty thumb would be - and she probably smells less like scentless desert flowers, and more like a refinery.

Chorus

She loves the night scene bar queen
Just living for the fun taking over every dance floor like shes the only one
In the spotlight all night kissing everyone
And trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb
(So much cooler)
When you never pull it out
(So much cuter)
With something in your mouth

Ugh! Think about the bacteria this girl is spreading! She's at a bar, touching people, touching shit, her hands, all up in her mouth - and she's MAKING OUT with everyone?! How is this girl attractive whatsoever?!

Chorus

And tease them all while sucking on your thumb
You're so much cooler when you never pull it out
'Cause you look so much cuter with something in your

I think what we need to take away from this song is that Chad Krueger is likely a pedophile and we should seriously consider chipping this guy. Also - have men's standards fallen so much that they're not into children and the disabled? Because, I mean, that's cool and all, but, really?

Comments

Feminist Catalyst said…
Ahh, Ren-Ren. How you rule my world.

Considering Nickelback came back to Sudbury 3X in the same tour because of popular demand, I bet this class-act is from Sudbury. Or Embrun. Can't you see this going down at the Lucky Seven? I sure can.

But as a feminist, I must say, this hypersexualizing of children (ie: sucking on your thumb = hot) is disturbing as fuck. Even more disturbing that Chad Kroeger's hair.
March 10, 2009 at 12:37 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

So hai guys, remember when I used to blawgh, n'shit? Yeah, me neither. But seriously though, my life has been kinda nuts. Lots of fantastic'ness. Lots of horrible, horrible, fuckupidness. But that said! People are still reading this shit, which I think is fantastic! (Hoooolla!) I promise I'll try and think up some more hilarity for this abyss and keep ya'll entertained. Also, did ya'll know I'm a Twit? You can follow me @renmarshall on the Twittersphere. Lots of luuuurve!
Read more

Animals and the people who love them.

Image
The Yuletide season is upon us. For the better prepared portion of our community, you've finished your x-mas shopping. For the bulk of my readers, you probably haven't even begun. For most people, x-mas shopping involves wracking your brain for -the- gift that will compliment your loved ones. For others, a last minute dash to the dollar store will suffice. Then there are the people that shop for their pets. These are not only the people that buy for their pets, but also give from their pets as well. From: Mittenz Major corporations make millions off of these chumps pet owners by milking them for everything their worth. From holiday themed pet toys, to pictures for your best friends with Santa Claws (heh heh) Today I received an e-flyer from PetSmart about some handy-dandy last minute gift ideas for my pets. I am the disgruntled owner of two disgusting cats. Regardless of the fact that they are ungrateful bastards, I wouldn't buy them presents strictly on the principle t
Read more

Bilingual Blunder

Image
Okay, right off the bat - Approx. 17% of Canada's population is children/youth under the age of 15. A survey conducted in 2003 by the Canadian Teachers’ Federation says watching TV is a daily pastime for 75 percent of Canadian children, both boys and girls from Grade 3 to Grade 10.( ... ) Thus, the average child in Canada spends on average 42 hours a week in front of the television or computer.( ... ) That is a huge demographic. A huge demographic of children being subjected to not only the tripe that's on the tube, but gallons and gallons of information that's being processed through their developing brains on a daily basis. Television stations make millions off colourful, musical shows that get kids hooked. And if they promise a jump on a learning curve, parents will eat that shit up with a spoon. Anything to make their kids smarter and give them that 'edge' and parents forget that they're propagating the problem of hours in front of the boob tube. That said,
Read more