The Life and Times of Ren... and then some

Maybe I'm just brain dead when it comes to Canadian Politics - to be honest, whichever party embraces socialism and silly-hats only, I'll likely vote for. Not only that, I've yet to find a party that embraces all of my core values. One thing I support heartily are LGBT rights, and the rights to marriage therein. I don't see many politicians paying too much mind to the LGBT discussion - it's almost like they're thinking "Let's just give them what they want and pretend it doesn't exist." Canadians are diplomatic by nature, but prefer to pay no mind rather than speak up. This past weekend was one of the most successful celebrations, albeit one of the biggest of it's kind in the world: The Pride Parade in Toronto, Ontario . The celebration of the year, one that has become an institution rather than just an event. About 5 years ago, I got to bare witness to the celebration - it completely blew my mind. Being that I've yet to make it back to ...

It's time once more for our favourite activity: BREAK DOWN THAT SONG! Today on the docket is Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event . From the first time I heard this song, it really just rubbed me the wrong way. It was featured on the Indie Spotlight on a local radio station here in Ottawa. The DJ opened with the fact that the band and it's album weren't getting great reviews and that every reviewer was probably a fucking moron not to like it. So, of course being impressionable as I am, I immediately decided I was going to love this song...until I heard it. One thought rang through my mind as I listened to this song and it was "NO AND THEN!" "...and theeeeeeeen?" This song is another classic example of Every.Fucking. 'Artiste' . that I went to highschool with and the result of them putting together a backup band and of course, shitty writing immediately means nega.points. I had high hopes for this band. I honestly tried to like ...

I wish I could blame being a parent on the fact that I watch cartoons. But really, I have no excuse. I love good cartoons; always have. Often times, it's a battle between my son and I over what to watch. Him, fascinated with the brightest, sing-songiest 3D marvel to entice his internal interpretive dancer, and myself desperate to watch anything with some underlying adult humor, battles usually rage and I usually bend to my little boy because lets face it: the kid could shatter glass with his range if he wanted to. That being said, there are alot of things the two of us enjoy. For example, we both can get behind anything Hanna-Barbara of H-B-inspired. I'm a Space Ghost/Jetson's fan, my son: Rocket Robin Hood, Flinstones and of course, Scooby-Doo. But being that I am much older and awesomer wiser than my 4 year old, I notice things that he might not be privy to - much like the Adult Humor I missed as a child in such classics as The Animaniacs or Bugs Bunny, I pay close atten...

A couple of years ago, I learnt about something called the " RealDoll ". For those of you who are unfamiliar with the RealDoll, what it is, is a life-sized doll used primarily in conjunction with sexual gratification (ie: quiet lady to masturbate in) . Defined as "The World's Greatest Love Doll", it has a poseable PVC skeleton with steel joints and silicone flesh, not to mention that it is anatomically correct in practically every way. Running upwards around $5000 + a doll, the purchasing of a RealDoll is a real testament to the type of character possessed by the owner. Often times, when the owner isn't busy scraping old semen out of the doll's orifices with a spatula, the owner of a RealDoll might form a special bond, or even refer to the doll as their "girlfriend" or "partner" and pursue active relationship with their doll. The concept of a RealDoll has made it into popular culture by way of numerous pieces of literature on the su...

A 23-year old woman from Muskogee, Oklahoma is in jail for killing a puppy and skinning it with the intent of making a belt out of it's hide . According to reports, Krystal Lynn Lewis wanted the puppy dead as it was a gift from an ex-female lover with whom she did not get along. Austin Michael Mullins, age 26 apparently shot the puppy 10 times with a .22 calibre pistol - because why smother a puppy when you can shoot it to death? After the shooting, Lewis then skinned the Russell Terrier and then nailed it's hide to a board in her apartment. The Ed Gein enthusiasts have since been charged with one felony count of cruelty to animals. The judge also ordered a mental competency exam for the woman. While the wearing of animal pelts is generally reserved for the rich and glamorous, it's unclear why a regular Southerner would have any interest in wearing a Jack Russell Terrier (Besides the obvious, crazy reasons) Reserved. The bloodbath procurement of skins is often kept to ani...

A Russian woman, known only as Natalia K. is in hospital after having her hymen restored for the 6th time. Russian news reports that after her husband expressed frustration over the fact that she had lost her virginity to another man before their wedding, Natalia K. decided that as a gift to her husband for their first anniversary, she would undergo a hymenoplasty operation to restore her 'virginity'. Apparently her husband was so pleased with the results, Natalia decided to undergo the procedure again later that year... consequently, she repeated the procedure 4 more times thereafter despite warning from her doctors. Well, due to a "lowered immune system", Natalia's body was unable to fight off minor infection due to the operation and has landed herself in the ICU. Being that this story is being reported by several different sources, it's unclear who's idea this really was. Personally, I'd like to blame the husband for the ass-hat move, but at the s...

Seeing as I have nothing constructive to do with my time, it's once again time for: BREAK DOWN THAT SONG!!! Today, much to my dismay, is the absolute bane of my existence: SNIPER HYPERBOLE BY UBIQUITOUS SYNERGY SEEKER Everything about this song grinds my gears and has since I first laid ears (?) on it. Don't get me wrong, I think the music for this song is fabulous. But this single is clearly a result of putting the horse before the cart, IE: making some sick music and then skimping on the lyrics thereafter. What's worse is that it's almost like they just opened up a copy of Scientific America, chose a bunch of words at random with a dart and then took all of those words, opened up a thesaurus, picked synonymous words at random with a Ouija board magnifying glass, then put all of those words onto little pieces of paper, dropped them into a baseball hat, shook it up, and then dumped all of those little pieces of paper into a blender, set it to "liquefy" and po...

It's time once again to play "Break down that song!" Today on the chopping block is "All I want to do (is make love to you)" by HEART. For those of you who know me, you know that HEART is my favourite band of ALL TIME. Seriously. They are the greatest. But that doesn't mean that Ann and Nancy Wilson were immune to the shitacularness of what was the 1980's. For that brief but nightmarish decade, the girls sported giant hair and pumped out some GREAT, Essentials Collection hits. Among those hits was a little diddy called "All I want to do". Cheese at it's most aged, this song is a ballad of a romanticised one-night-stand. It wasn't until today that I really took a good, hard listen to the lyrics of this song...let's take a walk, shall we? All they want to do bump your junk... ALL I WANT TO DO (IS MAKE LOVE TO YOU BY: HEART It was a rainy night when he came into sight Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat So I pulled up alon...

Two gay penguins in Berlin, Germany have been given the opportunity most gay animal couples don't get: the opportunity to be parents. The egg was originally placed with the couple back in April when it's birth parents (likely in their mid-teens) orphaned the egg. The male peinguins then incubated the egg for 30 days and still continue to care for the chick today. The gayest penguins you know The male couple, Z and Vielpunk, are among 3 same sex penguin couples housed at the Berlin Zoo . Homosexuality between animals is nothing new, though not widely discussed. National Geographic recently published an interesting article on the subject. Another interesting exhibition of homosexual activity is found in the endangered Bonobo chimpanze situated in the Congo. These primates are often referred to as the "make love, not war" apes as their means of conflict resolution tend to be through sexual interaction. Because, I suspect, these apes have yet to be privy to developing...