Good enough to eat...or stick your dick in.
So earlier today I was flipping through some Avon catalogues, looking at alot of handy shit I'll probably buy and never use and while I was browsing the plethora of different merchandise I noticed some cocoa mugs featuring the M&M characters, Green, Blue, and Red. And my, if they weren't looking especially tantalising this afternoon... The full m&m lips, curled into a tiny smirk, their big full bedroom eyes, sweet candy coating, strong gloved hands...
Wait a minute... do I want to fuck these M&M's?!
Goooooddamnit, they've done it again! Marketing geniuses trying to use sex to sell something...AND IT'S WORKING!! Only now I don't want to eat these candies, I want to bone them.
Take the Green M&M for example:
Succubus
Look at her, in her emerald green coating, and her strong yet tender people arms... those bedrooms eyes just screaming for you to "Come hither." and those full, sensuous lips you just want to wrap around your...
VILE WENCH!
Bitch wants to mate with you, and then bite your head off and lay her mini m&m eggs in your neck hole! The saucy minx knows you want her and knows you'd probably push your Nana under a trolley just to get.with.that.
And it's not even like they're trying to casually integrate an air of sensuality into the candy ads - they're blatantly putting her out there for your mouth to start salivating over and your dick to start air punching for.
"Miss Green Working the Polls"
I'm not particularly bothered by this issue. Truth be told, I'd have sex with less, but the point here is that you don't even see it coming. Sexy Candy is pretty unheard of, so until it really sinks in, you're not entirely sure why these little chocolate niblets turn you on or why their seductive candy pouts fill your purity holes with shame.
This recent development in the pressures put on confections to be seductive is really just a testament to the times we live in. There was a time when candy wasn't expected to put out. Remember The California Raisins?
Trying to forget...
The creation of the California Raisins was a direct result of trying everything but dancing/singing raisins blues musicians to sell their product. The idea was such a success that is resulted in 2 California Raisins TV specials, an album, and a cartoon series. Granted, raisins aren't technically candy, but you can bet your sweet buttons they never DARED to use sex to sell raisins - probably a direct result of animated raisins looking less like sexy vixens and more like rotted old men.
Nature's waste candy
I don't think there's any shame with wanting to make love to an m&m. Hell, they're 2 parts human anyways! And you can't tell me like the green one doesn't know what she's doing... oh, she knows... Besides, it's not like they're Skittles or Gob Stoppers or anything... m&m candies are clearly some sort of result of chocolate fused with swimsuit model DNA. The M&M candy boasts the ability to "Melt in your mouth, and not in your hand." and I think that's a fair interpretation of what most people want to have happen with Miss Green.
I'd like to taste her rainbow...
Wait a minute... do I want to fuck these M&M's?!
Goooooddamnit, they've done it again! Marketing geniuses trying to use sex to sell something...AND IT'S WORKING!! Only now I don't want to eat these candies, I want to bone them.
Take the Green M&M for example:
Look at her, in her emerald green coating, and her strong yet tender people arms... those bedrooms eyes just screaming for you to "Come hither." and those full, sensuous lips you just want to wrap around your...
VILE WENCH!
Bitch wants to mate with you, and then bite your head off and lay her mini m&m eggs in your neck hole! The saucy minx knows you want her and knows you'd probably push your Nana under a trolley just to get.with.that.
And it's not even like they're trying to casually integrate an air of sensuality into the candy ads - they're blatantly putting her out there for your mouth to start salivating over and your dick to start air punching for.
I'm not particularly bothered by this issue. Truth be told, I'd have sex with less, but the point here is that you don't even see it coming. Sexy Candy is pretty unheard of, so until it really sinks in, you're not entirely sure why these little chocolate niblets turn you on or why their seductive candy pouts fill your purity holes with shame.
This recent development in the pressures put on confections to be seductive is really just a testament to the times we live in. There was a time when candy wasn't expected to put out. Remember The California Raisins?
The creation of the California Raisins was a direct result of trying everything but dancing/singing raisins blues musicians to sell their product. The idea was such a success that is resulted in 2 California Raisins TV specials, an album, and a cartoon series. Granted, raisins aren't technically candy, but you can bet your sweet buttons they never DARED to use sex to sell raisins - probably a direct result of animated raisins looking less like sexy vixens and more like rotted old men.
I don't think there's any shame with wanting to make love to an m&m. Hell, they're 2 parts human anyways! And you can't tell me like the green one doesn't know what she's doing... oh, she knows... Besides, it's not like they're Skittles or Gob Stoppers or anything... m&m candies are clearly some sort of result of chocolate fused with swimsuit model DNA. The M&M candy boasts the ability to "Melt in your mouth, and not in your hand." and I think that's a fair interpretation of what most people want to have happen with Miss Green.
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